A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
