he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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