A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
