he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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