Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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