So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
