My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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