I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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