I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
