My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
