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Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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