Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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