Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
