I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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