You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
