Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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