He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
