What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
