so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
