I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
