My first STD was from a foam party
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had sex on a roof
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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