Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
