If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
