I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
