I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
