I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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