today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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