Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
