dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
