the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
