I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize