this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
