Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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