I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
