I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
