just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
