I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i think i have two assholes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
