She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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