we have pet lesbian snakes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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