Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
