he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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