I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
