is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
