could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
