We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My liver just had a heart attack.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
