Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
