I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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