Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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