ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
