I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
