if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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