I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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