I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
