First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
