So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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