If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.