this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God