Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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