Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize