I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
