Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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