yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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