maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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