my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
