So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
