A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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