Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize