Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
