I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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