You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
